“If you want to be well liked it is necessary to become what is called “a good mixer.”” -Theron Q. Dumont Advanced Course in Personal Magnetism The Secrets of Mental Fascination
Some people are naturally good mixers. We all knew one of those people in high school, you know, the one who could hop from click to click with ease. I was one of those good mixers. I’m typically easy to get along with, and I’m friendly to all I meet, regardless of who you are. Until you show me a reason to cut you out of my life, I’ll treat you with kindness.
A large part of being a good mixer is nonjudgement. Interest yourself in other people’s hobbies, activities and whatnot at least for the time being. I’ve always had a diverse spectrum of interest which is what allowed me to bounce from a group of jocks to the nerds or to the artsy click. I was in sports, I loved science and intellectual discussions, and I loved art. Those different areas of interest where my keys to being accepted into many different groups. I played sports, but I didn’t think that made me better than someone who would be considered a nerd. That guy just had value to offer in a different way, and because I had value to offer in the same area of expertise, I was accepted into the group.
If you think that you’re better than somebody else because they fall into a certain group that’s not considered ‘cool’, then you need change your way of thinking. Just because someone isn’t good at one thing doesn’t mean they don’t have expertise in another area. If you avoid judgement based on outward appearance or based off of stereotypes, then you’ll find just as I did, that everyone has something interesting to say if you give them a chance and listen to what they have to say. You’d be surprised by how much you can learn about different subjects, the human experience and psychology by just listening to what people have to say. If you’re not completely interested in what they have to say, at least take interest in what you can learn from them as a human being.
Most people love to talk and they will value you if you take the time to listen to them without trying to butt in and put your two cents in before they get to say all that they wanted to say. Being a good mixer comes with being a good listener and a good contributor. Even if your contribution is just asking questions, you’ll soon find yourself with many friends in different places.
Some people can become clingy and want you to get involved in all sorts of activities with them after you show interest in them and in what they do. It can be quite educational to go along for the experience, but realize that what you want to do and what you need to get done takes priority. It you can’t join them or spend more time in conversation, be kind and polite and excuse yourself. Don’t ever be rude or that person will think your previous kindness and interest was all false, and they will start to dislike you or they will feel betrayed.
Practice being a good mixer. Start a random conversation at the store. Take interest in something about the person next to you and then don’t be shy to tell them. This is a great way to become a good conversationalist. Its easy to have good conversations with people you already know. It is a sign of a good mixer to be able to have good conversation with a stranger.
I do this a lot. Some you win and some you lose, but eventually talking to new people becomes very easy and you being comfortable in your own skin around someone you just met will make them feel comfortable around you and they will be attracted to your magnetism. Keep the conversation positive and humorous, and never start a negative conversation by complaining or by making a negative comment. This is extremely unmagnetic and will not help you in being a good mixer. You want to make people feel good, not bring them down with negativity.
Sooner or later, you’ll develop magnetism and people will start talking to you instead of you being the one to have to start the conversation. This started to happen to me after a long time of practicing cold approaching other people for conversation. Maybe I’m a bit full of myself, but my friends make fun of me for it all the time, so maybe there’s a hit of true to it. We’ll be somewhere and someone random will just start a conversation with me. My friends will laugh or roll their eyes at me and ask me why that happens, and I’ll just shrug and smile and act like its a mystery. People tell me that I’m approachable, maybe it has a bit to do with how I look. I’m not scary or intimidating, and I usually smile when I make eye contact with other people.
This kind of practice has to be maintained to continue being magnetic. I’ve noticed that when I’m in a bad mood or not feeling too social, that people stop talking to me. Its pretty obvious why. They can sense my negativity or see it worn on my face and in my body language. A negative and moody person is never magnetic and cannot become a good mixer. Get yourself out of that bad mood, remember that it only takes away from your magnetism and resolve to be positive and magnetic. Its easier than you’d think. Remember that nothing good comes from being negative and that you can be positive just by acting like you are and eventually you will feel positive again.