There is debate around what the meaning of the word freedom is. Some people think of freedom in terms of law and what the government will allow them to do. Some think of freedom in terms of financial power and the ability to purchase whatever you want. Others think of freedom as not being tied down to obligations, to be in a position where nobody can tell you what to do.
Freedom is the ability to choose. It means being able to act in accordance with your own free will without restriction. With discussion about the law and government aside, why do we sometimes feel unable to make the choices we want?
Most of the time when we are making decisions, there is nobody standing behind us, holding a gun to our heads, yet we still fail to make the decision we know is right. Why? What is holding us back? If we can’t make the decision we know is right, then what is creating that restriction?
I once heard a man say that freedom is the ability to say no to the things you need to say no to, and being able say yes to the things you need to say yes to. It is being able to make the decision that you know is right regardless of the consequences that may be imposed. Those consequences could be social shame or ridicule, it could be legal or financial consequences, or it could mean disappointing or upsetting the ones you love.
Our actions have loads of consequences, but what is the real consequence of not being able to use your ‘yes’ and ‘no’ when you need to? It means betraying yourself. It means rejecting your own conscience. It means rejecting you own moral compass and accepting yourself as a coward.
There is a special type of freedom that comes from accepting yourself. When you have accepted yourself, you don’t need to make decisions to please others. You don’t have to people-please and use your ‘yes’ and ‘no’ to keep the peace. You already have peace with yourself, and that is the most valuable type of peace to possess.
You become a coward when you can’t accept yourself. You become a coward when you don’t do what you know is right. You have a fear of being yourself, of prioritizing your own needs, and there is no freedom to be found in that. If you can’t be yourself, then you’re not really free.
Some people have no regard for what others think or want, and occasionally, I envy them. Unfortunately, most of those people are going about it in the wrong way and are being needlessly selfish or narcissistic, and that’s not what I envy. I really envy their freedom from the invisible chains of assumed obligation and fear of authenticity.
The narcissists aren’t afraid to be themselves, and they’re terrible, so what are you afraid of if you’re a decent person? If anything we seem crazy by comparison, never really living how we want to, and all just to satisfy others. Either that or we live like scared animals, fearing if we step too far, something bigger will come and eat us. Is the lion ashamed of being a lion?
I’m not denying that money can help you strengthen your ability to say yes or no, but it’s not the complete answer. There are plenty of rich people who live in a prison of their own making. Freedom comes from having the courage to be authentic and self-accepting.
Do you have freedom in your life? When’s the last time you said ‘yes’ when you really wanted to say ‘no’? How genuine are you? You can live for yourself without being selfish. You can do what you want to do, and it’s okay if that upsets other people. Don’t be narcissitic; have some rational self-interest. When you take care of yourself, you can better take care of others, but you can’t save other people when you’re drowning. You have to put your own mask on first.
Try, just for today, to say ‘yes’ when you know you should say yes, and to say ‘no’ when you know you should say ‘no’. It’s going to feel weird and uncomfortable, but keep going. Do it again the next day, and tell yourself, “just for today, I will say “no” when I should say no and I will say ‘yes’ when I need to say yes.” Keep it up for enough days and see how your life transforms.
Every ‘yes’ or ‘no’ you use that comes out in a genuine way is like an investment in your best life, and each one that comes out because of fear is an investment in a life you don’t want to live.
The way to find the courage to be yourself is to actually try and do exactly what you know is right. Make your choices based on what aligns with your values. Stop fearing judgement. Fear living your whole life never having truly lived for yourself. Experience freedom.
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