Here on the Eclectic Method, we do our best to encourage and foster a positive mindset, but you should be warned that there is such a thing as being too positive. Extremes should be avoided. All is positive, but it takes a disciplined mind to understand how to apply that mentality.

Yes, it’s beneficial to polarize to the positive, but if it’s sucking all of the joy out of your life, then you might be thinking what’s the point? That may sound a bit confusing and contradictory, so allow me to explain.

There are two common ways to be too positive.

One is by driving out everything that is even remotely negative out of your life until it is void of anything that feels rewarding and pleasurable.

The second is when we are so focused on being positive that we become unrealistic when faced with issues to the point that we ignore them or fail to take responsibility for that problem.

Life isn’t always positive. If everything was all fine and dandy all the time, then what would be the purpose? I’m not saying there should be suffering at every corner but that life inevitably throws some wrenches our way and it’s unavoidable.

Maybe you’re not in such a positive place right now because you’ve had problems at work or you’ve had issues in your relationship. Perhaps you don’t have a good mindset because you’ve been taking a few too many losses lately. Maybe you don’t have a constructive environment at this point of your life because you started at a disadvantage and you’re still figuring things out.

You should want better, but you have to be realistic about where you are first, and that means sitting with those uncomfortable and sometimes terrible feelings and allowing yourself to acknowledge that the situation is bad, and then find a way to make it an opportunity to create something positive out of it.

Life isn’t perfect. You’re not perfect. Sometimes life is going to throw you curve balls and you’re goal shouldn’t be to stare at the ball and try to make it disappear by pretending it’s not there and let it hit you in the face. The goal is to catch it even when it’s hard and make a play out of it and enjoy the whole thing even if it’s tricky or difficult.

The goal of a positive mindset when confronted with real issues is not to be delusional about the problems; it’s to accept them and use them as opportunities for growth.

As previously mentioned, a way one can be too positive is to try and cut out everything one deems negative all in one fell swoop. You excommunicate too many people, you restrict your diet until there is no flavor left in your food, and you force out any activity that allows for enjoyment or recreation because its not “positive enough”.

You should strive to cut out the unnecessary and non-beneficial, but being a tyrant takes all the enjoyment out of the present and just makes you both an enforcer and a prisoner in your own life.

I used to try and be strict with myself about everything. I would say no to this and no to that and eventually found myself bored and lonely. I even felt more stressed having all these expectations to live up to. I realized I wasn’t being positive, I was being a tyrant with myself. Eliminating everything that isn’t positive in your life would basically require you to be a monk, exiled in the mountains, and even that lifestyle has its challenges.

Moderation is key. I’ve found that if I use that thing I enjoy but that isn’t necessarily good for me as a reward for being productive and taking care of responsibilities, then I was more motivated and even less indulgent when I got my reward because of the good momentum I had built from a day of productivity.

For example, sometimes I’ll tell myself that I will delay gratification and not let myself have a Zyn (nicotine pouch, negative habit) until I start writing (positive habit).

So I’ll open my computer and start writing and sometimes I’ll get into my work and forget about it until I’ve already been working for a while. Sometimes I’ll reward myself right away, and although I’m allowing a negative into my life, I’m still doing what I want to do the most. It’s not the best, but I know that if I’m not doing anything meaningful or productive, I’m more likely to feed my addiction than not because I don’t have anything better to do.

Don’t fall into the trap of using moderation as an excuse to be self-indulgent. Set rules that give you a reasonable amount of freedom but that still keep the majority of your energy in use for progress. Sometimes a lazy day after a week of hard work is a positive thing. Sometimes watching a show you like and taking a break from all the hustle is exactly what you need to refresh and recharge.

It’s a crazy world we live in and it can be hard to live virtuously. Sometimes being stressed because of constant failure to measure up to your own values can be enough to make you give up altogether. If you’re trying to flush out everything “negative” in your life, then enough failures can be demoralizing enough to forget what the point of being positive is.

Be more moderate and don’t give up. Maybe you can’t give up something entirely. I know; I’ve been there. Instead of getting discouraged, be realistic.

Maybe you set a rule like, NONE of “this”, or DON’T do “that”. That’s extreme. You’re addicted or attached to something that serves as a negative in your life but it provides you some enjoyment. Be realistic. You’re probably going to fail at going cold turkey because most people do because most people have poorly developed willpower. Even those with strong willpower have their vices.

Instead of quitting cold turkey and failing time after time, give yourself a time to do whatever it is you’re having trouble giving up and use it as a reward for doing things you know you should. Do the good thing and reward yourself with a little bit of the bad, and you might be surprised to see that once you do the good thing, the motivation to follow through with the bad thing isn’t as strong as it was before.

Most of the habits we have or wish to have that generate the best long-term outcomes are boring. We do them and expect to feel great or “positive” by doing these things, but in reality that isn’t always the case. Sometimes it’s just flat-out boring and that’s why bad habits tend to win the competition for which habit lasts longer.

Sometimes writing when I don’t have inspiration is boring but I know I need to do it to keep up progress. Sometimes going to the gym and doing the same lifts week after week is boring, but I want to be stronger so I do it. Sometimes going to bed early is boring but if I want good health and performance I have to embrace that lack of excitement.

You have to be friends with boredom. You have to moderate and be realistic. Remaining positive and using the negative aspects of our lives as opportunities for growth is key, but don’t be so positive that you blind yourself to reality or become a self-tyrant. Avoid extremes, even with something good like a positive mindset because dedication to reality is how we get better.

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