A friend hurt me recently on an emotional level. The cool thing was that he had the courage to tell me what was happening; the uncool thing was that it hurt, bad.
He didn’t do anything wrong, technically he was fully in his right to do what he did. I wasn’t mad at him, it just hurt my feelings is all.
I told my good friend about what happened and he responded with, ” that sucks, man. Especially from someone you trust.”
What he said struck me in a strange way and opened my eyes. Did I really trust my friend not to do what he did? No. In fact, it was surprising and not entirely expected. I had never even thought to trust him in that way.
But then I thought deeper about that. Should I really trust my friends to keep my self-interests in mind with everything they do? No! In fact, that is a totally unrealistic way of thinking and that kind of “trust” isn’t actually trust at all. What that is is the desire to control others so that I can have what I want and so my own little world can be perfect.
Am I in the right to tell him he can’t do what he wants? Of course not. He’s not actually doing anything wrong so if I attempt to control his actions I am imposing on his free will which is and should be considered immoral.
The reason I was hurt is because of my attachment and perhaps this had to happen so that I could learn that it’s the attachment that is hurting me and not necessarily my friend. If I don’t let the attachment go, it will continue to hurt me and hold me down.
The only thing you can really trust others to do is what is in their own self-interest. You do what is in your own self-interest, so why would you be upset when others do the same thing? Well, because it can hurt.
Sadly, that’s just a part of life and you can either learn from it or let it drag you into despair. Maybe it’s time to let go of what’s pulling you down.
Now, all of that being said, does that mean I have to continue being friends with this guy? No. Should I forgive him? Yes, because he isn’t in the wrong, but that doesn’t mean I had to continue to put myself around that. You have every right to distance yourself from energy that negatively affects you. However, it’s important to understand why that energy negatively affects you.
If your idea of trust is that the person you trust is never supposed to do anything that hurts you, then you’re in for a lot of disappointment and pain. Instead, trust people to do what is in their own self-interest and then surround yourself with those who have similar interests, but even then, you should know that those interests can change.
Save yourself the surprise and heartbreak and trust in yourself to overcome that which challenges you, and trust others to do what they want to do. Most of the time they will whether you like it or not.