Progress isn’t always fun. Sometimes it kind of sucks. You have to be disciplined. You have to give up things that you enjoy that you know are bad for you. Sometimes you have to isolate yourself a bit and cut out things that hinder you, and it can be scary.

I’m putting in work. I’m being healthy and my body feels better than it has in a long time. Physically I feel great, but not all of that process is feeling good. One of the reasons for that is because I’m not drinking, and in a society where most adult socializing involves drinking, I feel lonely.

I’m worried that my wife will think I’m lame or judgmental because I won’t drink with her. I’m afraid she will think that I’m getting boring or that I’m stuck-up. I’m worried that my friends will think I’m lame because I don’t want to go out and drink and stay up late. I don’t want to be thought of as that boring old dude. I’m not even old, but sometimes I feel like an old man going to bed early, but I want to give my body the recovery it needs from working out. I feel boring and lonely sitting in coffee shops writing instead of being out and about in town, but I want to finish my book.

I work with a lot of young men that tell me their weekend-warrior stories of drunken adventures, and it sounds like they had a lot of fun. When they ask me what I did over the weekend, I tell them I worked out and that I made progress on a project and spent time with my family. And they just say, “oh, nice,” as if being low-key was something to cringe. Society conditions us to think that a stable and consistent lifestyle is boring. We are led to believe that life needs to be constant excitement and indulgence to be satisfying.

I’m afraid to miss out. I’m afraid of being seen as boring and lame.

But you know what I’m more afraid of? I’m more afraid of spending years never reaching my physical potential because I sabotaged my progress every week by drinking. I’m more afraid of spending years being unsatisfied with my looks because I couldn’t overcome my vices.

I’m more afraid of never living up to my potential because I was chasing what other people thought was important. I’m more afraid of wasting my time in a constant cycle of one-step-forward-two-steps-back because I could never get my shit together.

I’m afraid of being the guy who has great stories of going out and getting drunk but never really accomplished anything. I’m more afraid of dealing with health problems in the future because I refused to acknowledge that my actions have consequences on my health.

I’m more afraid of looking back at my life and realizing that I was more concerned with what other people were thinking and doing and never really living for myself.

Yeah, not doing what everyone else is doing feels lame. Going to bed early and working out isn’t super exciting. Thinking that your loved ones might be disappointed in you because you won’t want to do what they want to do because it doesn’t align with who you want to be is an uncomfortable feeling.

But I know the alternative is worse.

Boredom feels boring until you recognize it as peace. Boredom feels boring until you remember what it’s like to constantly be disappointed in yourself. Boredom feels boring until you’re up to your head in bullshit and drama because you have no self-control. It’s depressing to be lonely until you’re comfortable with yourself. Solitude feels lonely until you’ve let enough toxic people into your life that you feel like jumping off a cliff.

Our society lives for cheap dopamine and thrills. We are conditioned to seek immediate satisfaction. If you want to pursue excellence and accomplish something meaningful, you need to play the long game. You don’t have to be a monk, but delaying gratification is the name of the game.

Stop living in other people’s mental frame. Sometimes we want to fit in and be accepted so much that we accept other people’s perspectives. Bring your perspective back into your frame. Paint your mental picture and don’t let it get taken out of its frame. This is how I view it.

Let me give you an example. Tonight I sat in a coffee shop and worked on my book. I could see other people walking around outside, heading to the bars, all dressed up. Some were already slightly intoxicated and laughing loudly. I had the thought that if they saw me sitting as the only customer in this coffee shop typing on my computer they must think I’m a loner. I was viewing myself from their frame. Worst of all, I’m just making assumptions. I have no idea if that’s what they would think. I let my perspective get put in society’s frame and I projected that on other people.

I had to fix my frame.

So I thought to myself: I sit in coffee shops on Friday nights because I’m writing and working on my dream and taking care of my body. Working on my dream is more important than doing anything else right now. Not consuming alcohol and taking care of myself so I can be fit is bad-ass. Not spending money going out means I’m saving it and being a good steward of my finances. I am being the person I want to be.

I’m doing what I know I should be doing, and it doesn’t have to be spectacular or constantly exciting. I can be friends with boring because I’m playing the long game. I’m not turning my nose up to other people’s choices. Everyone has the freedom to live as they see fit. My mission just doesn’t align with that lifestyle and that’s okay.

If people don’t like who you are becoming, then too bad for them. What are you supposed to do, live a lie and betray yourself to appease them? What kind of life is that? That’s not a relationship, and if they want the mask more than they want you then its time to say goodbye.

Now, practicing martial arts or working out is my fun, and I’ve found friends that I can do that with. Now, my excitement is tracking how close I am to succeeding at my mission; it comes from small wins in the right direction. Now, I find adventure in beach runs and hikes. Now, I see winning as saving money and outgrowing vices.

I don’t see my way of life as boring anymore. I’ve made peace with my choices. Am I still worried about what other people think? Eh, maybe a little, but I’m more afraid of betraying myself than I am of how others judge me. Don’t let the fear of judgement hold you back from who you want to be.

Be friends with boredom. Pursue purpose over pleasure. You can still have fun, but be honest with yourself. Is your fun constantly hindering your progress? Is that guilty pleasure really just a vice? Are you really letting yourself enjoy life, or are you just avoiding doing the hard things?

I know who I want to be. That person is not a weekend-warrior. That person takes care of his body. That person has a purpose that is more important than indulging in vices. That person is considered boring by society, and I’m making peace with that. I’m friends with boredom because I fear the alternative more.

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