We all know someone who is constantly talking about what they want. They overhear a conversation about someone else who bought or earned something that they wish they had, and can’t help themselves but to immediately follow the urge to say something along the lines of ‘Oh I want that too’, or ‘Oh, yeah that’s nice, but I would want this more‘.
After butting themselves into the conversation they go on with their lives and nothing changes, and those people wonder why others are getting what they want and they aren’t in that ‘lucky’ group. This kind of person is a wisher, and wishers will talk about what they want for as long as you can stand them and you rarely end up seeing anything come of it.
Sometimes we are guilty of doing this, and I know that I have fallen into that guilty party more times than I’m proud of admitting. However, I found that talking about what you want never produces results, so I decided to observe the people who seem to be winning while others are wishing.
The people who are doing the things you wish you could and having the things you wish you had aren’t talking about what they want. They don’t operate on wishful thinking. The successful people aren’t engaging in conversations waiting for their turn to talk about what they want, or about how they hope their future will turn out.
The reason you aren’t getting what you want is because there are two types of people in the world: wishers and winners, and right now, you’re a wisher.
Wishers are people who love to speculate on how wonderful life would be if they had everything they wanted. They cobra-strike conversations to bring the focus back to their own selfish little world of what they want, and want everyone to acknowledge it, and I suspect it’s for a couple different reasons.
One of those reasons I assume wishers to this is because they are hoping that whoever is listening will validate that they should have everything they want because they secretly or unconsciously know they don’t deserve it. Perhaps they announce their desires to the world in hope that someone else will take responsibility for acquiring their wishes for them.
Wishers operate on hope, and hope is always a bad plan. Hoping that someone else will come and take responsibility for getting what you want from life is a sure path to disappointment. You are never going to get what you want just because someone validated your insecure ego and told you that you deserve it.
Wishers rely on hope in times when facing the facts is too disappointing, and sometimes the fact is that you just aren’t willing to do what it takes to get what you want. Wishers hope someone will take pity on them and give them what they want. Wishers hope that if they speak their desires out loud that magically they will get what they want, but that’s not how reality works, so they keep hoping.
If you find yourself in the wisher category, ask yourself this question: has talking about what you want ever produced the desired results? Perhaps this worked when you where a kid and you had an adult to provide you with what you wanted, but now you’re an adult, and that means that you and you alone are responsible for satisfying your desires.
Responsibility is difficult, and that’s why wishers avoid it and keep on hoping.
On the other side of the coin are the takers, the winners, and they operate on another level. The winners I see are never talking about how they want to be like someone else. They don’t look at someone doing better and think, I want to be like them. They study the people who are doing better than them and they imitate.
The winners see other people winning and instead of talking about how they want to be like that guy or talking about how they wish they had what that person has, they observe what that person does and they do that.
Winners face the facts. They study their peers and observe that this person has ‘x’ because they did ‘y’, so if I want ‘x’, then I also have to do ‘y’. Winners live in reality; they don’t idly hope. They get moving towards what they want.
The winners can sit in a conversation and hear someone else talk about their success or about something new they bought and instead of acting like a wisher and interjecting to blather about how they want that or want to do that, the winner asks questions about the method used to obtain those results.
The winner observes and studies and then acts on good information. The winner accepts that it is their own responsibility to get what they want, and they do what must be done to obtain it.
Winners are adults who take responsibility for their lives and don’t wait on “mom and dad” to come along and provide them with their wants and needs.
The wisher is all talk and no action. Wishers don’t want to be adults and accept the responsibility to satisfy their own wants. The wishers are hoping someone else will come along and do it for them. Wishers are mental children hoping someone will fill the role of mom or dad and will get them what they want so they don’t have to go through the trouble themselves.
If you want to be a taker, a winner, then stop talking about what you want. Demand what you want by doing what must be done to obtain it. Look at what successful people are doing and copy their methods.
Have you ever heard a successful person say ‘Oh, I want that’ when they learn about what someone else has? No. The successful people ask, “HOW did they do that?” Successful people want to understand the process that obtained the results because they are actually willing to put in the time and effort to get the things they want.
If you are talking to someone who has something you wish you had, then ask them questions about how they did it and you will learn what you need to know. Be a scientist and collect information and then experiment through action until you find the process that creates the desired results.
Wishers think that winners are selfish because they have what they want, so the winners must be self-centered and greedy. The opposite is true. Winning demands self-sacrifice. Winning means not getting what you want all the time so you can have something more important in the future. Winning means doing things you don’t feel like doing for something you want more.
There is nothing more self-centered and selfish than to hope or ask for someone else to take responsibility for getting you what you want. Wishers are energy vampires, hoping that others will fall into their traps of validation, or that someone else will sacrifice their time and energy to get them what they want.
Winners are doing it all themselves. Sure a successful businessman may have employees who do all the dirty work, but are any of those employees will to take the responsibility to create their own business?
Are those employees willing to make sacrifices and learn and put in the work to get paid more or to have their own business? Sure, some people start off with more advantages than others, but that doesn’t take away from your responsibility for getting what you want.
It’s not your boss’s responsibility to give you what you want. If you want more pay, then you have to be responsible for putting yourself into a position to demand it, and if that doesn’t work, then you are responsible for finding a job that will pay you what you think you deserve. If you want the flashy things, then you have to take responsibility to earn enough to afford them.
The wishers are focused on imagining how it would be to have something, and the winners are focused on doing the next thing that has to be done to get what they want. The wishers are busy hoping, and the winners are busy learning and working. Wishers pray. Winners pray and work. Sometimes that work is internal, and sometimes its external, but you can’t expect change without taking the responsibility to change yourself.
Are you getting what you want? Are you a wisher, or are you a winner?
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